I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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