i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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