Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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