I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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