I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
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I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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