I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
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My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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