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how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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