Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
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Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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