dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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