can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize