I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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