I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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