So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
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She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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