I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize