porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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