well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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