So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize