do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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