you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
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You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
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He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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