he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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