I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
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GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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