The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize