Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
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This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
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I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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