Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize