Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
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I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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