shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize