Well apparently he's into motor boating.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
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I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
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Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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