I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize