Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
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Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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