he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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