Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize