Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize