I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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