Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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