Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just high enough for therapy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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