Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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