It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
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He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
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Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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