You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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