there was a trapeze. enough said
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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