I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
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He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
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Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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