I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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