new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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