I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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