you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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