Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
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When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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