Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
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And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
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Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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