I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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