I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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