I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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