My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
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the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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